A woman is like a shadow: when you walk from behind she runs away. When you run from her, she follows you behind
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I think the only time my ex didn't fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers
Orphans don't play baseball because they don't know where home is!