Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday
Olympic track makes you feel like you witnessed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass.
I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!