Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a mustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.