How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why do they call it Alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'Hi, My name is John and I am an alcoholic'