I always say "morning" instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to you.
How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
What is the thinnest book in the world? "What Men Know About Women"
What's the worthless piece of skin hanging off the end of a penis? A man.