I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? "Cause you're fatter than they are."
Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, And the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
