I rather go to hell than Heaven. I don't know how mermaids in heaven can seduce me when they don't have legs to spread.
April Fools' Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand
Girl: My GrandFather Lived For 96 Years & He Never Used Glasses. Boy: Yeah I Know, Few People Drink Directly From Bottle