Why does it feel like time slows down during the day when you're at work and rapidly speeds up at night when you get home?
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it
If I'm about to die, keep me alive. I wanna be a burden, I want my feet clean, I want my diaper changed.
Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away