Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong
Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes? Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
