If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand
I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?