To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch!
I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen