What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down
If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably vodka in it
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts