Why are women like KFC? After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
A wife is like a boomerang - the harder you throw the faster she comes back.