Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions
I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish
I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco