You're not old until a teenager describes you as middle-aged.
You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, "I'm fine" than when you are flying on an airplane.
A wife is like a boomerang - the harder you throw the faster she comes back.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
