I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
It's ironically funny how axe handles are made of wood. It's like the ultimate "Fuck you" to trees.
How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.