[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me. I said u look really fat in those pants!
You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, "I'm fine" than when you are flying on an airplane.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you
By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.