Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one.
The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it
When your kids are little, you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables
