Latest Al Bundy One Liners & Quotes

Maria and Shadester, Four of my favorites

Time sure flies when you're married and have no life

This woman comes in, who doesn't speak English, she points at the shoes, I pointed at the door, she pointed at the sky and knees me in the nay-nays

This skinny woman with a hook nose olive oyls into the shoe store, and says "I want something to make me look sexy". So I say "You'll have to wait a long time before someone that ugly comes in to stand next to you"

A fat woman sloshed into the shoe store today, said she was retaining water, I said not to worry about it. The dam of cellulite holding it back should keep us all high and dry for the next few years

We were going through the woods without suspecting anything when suddenly something big and cruel came out of a bush. I thought it was you Peg but it didn't want my wallet!

Let me tell you something about sharing: don't do it. Nothing good ever comes of sharing. Your mother and I shared a bed and nothing good came out of it