Funny One Liners

What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

Is pikachu called pikachu because he always say pikachu or is he saying pikachu because he is pikachu?

Old Chinese proverb: Rape impossible! Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!

I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream

She's so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down