Funny One Liners

I would rather be violently murdered in my sleep than going out with you!

This One-liner joke is rated: 3.5 from: 6 votes

If I'm about to die, keep me alive. I wanna be a burden, I want my feet clean, I want my diaper changed.

This One-liner joke is rated: 3.33 from: 12 votes

Stop hash-tagging every word in your tweets!

This One-liner joke is rated: 4 from: 6 votes

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive

This One-liner joke is rated: 4.25 from: 8 votes

I prayed for a bicycle, but God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bicycle and asked for forgiveness.

This One-liner joke is rated: 3.92 from: 12 votes

Father's day is by far the most confusing day in the ghetto.

This One-liner joke is rated: 4.29 from: 7 votes

Difference between proposing? The guy gets on one knee to propose.... The girl just says: "I'm pregnant"

This One-liner joke is rated: 3.14 from: 7 votes