Funny One Liners

Men can multitask as well, they can read while sitting on the toilet.

Relationships are similar to fat people. Most of them don't work out.

I haven't talked to my wife in two weeks. It would be rude to interrupt her.

Dear almighty God, If you can't make me thin and pretty, make my friends fat & ugly.

My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football. What a bunch of idiots. I'm gay because I like cock

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist

Why is "General Failure" reading my hard disk?